please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
