So drunk its hurt
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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