my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
