the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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