whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
