Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
