Small penises have feelings too.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
whose parrot is this?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
