I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
