marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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