conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize