only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
