so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
