Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
