found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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