I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
