Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize