i think my tv is drunk
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
