i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
