There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
