I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
