People in love make me want to vomit
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Barsexuality is the new black.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
