also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
