Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
