Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
