after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
