someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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