Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
