Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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