I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize