You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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