Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
