dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
