she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
