im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
