it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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