somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
