It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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