Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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