he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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