I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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