I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
