Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
