We won't sleep together?
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
