i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
two words...techno handjob
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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