Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
