I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
