is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
