my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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