I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
