Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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