worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
