Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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