I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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