so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
