Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
