I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
