dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
