If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
