It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
