shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
