better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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