It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
