he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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