I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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