Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
