I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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