Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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