just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
