I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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