He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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